IT'S OFF? Does kissing count as an affair? Mum reveals she’d ditch her husband over ONE smooch… while another argues it’s LYING not cheating that wrecks a marriage

As a new study revealed that just half of men considered kissing cheating, Fabulous spoke to two women with very different views on the matter

23 November 2018 - 09:35

WHEN it comes to relationships a new survey has found that 49 percent of men did not think kissing someone else was cheating.

A survey of 2,000 adults, carried out by BBC Radio 5 Live, found nearly half didn't think there was anything wrong with a cheeky snog behind their partner's back.

The survey was released just weeks after Strictly Come Dancing's Seann Walsh was snapped kissing dance partner Katya Jones - even though she was married and he had a long-term girlfriend.

The Sun revealed Seann and Katya kissed outside a London pub and Seann's girlfriend Rebecca Humphries', whose birthday was on the same day as the snog, dumped him a few days later.

And Defence Secretary, Gavin Williamson, has also admitted having an office snog behind his wife's back.

We spoke to two women who have VERY opposing views on the matter.

Mum-of-two Diana Appleyard, 56, who lives in Argyll in Scotland with her husband Ross, said trust is the "bedrock of their relationship". She explains...

About 10 years ago I’d had a bit to drink at a dinner party, and was sitting holding hands with a male friend at the table.

He was telling me about a relationship break-up and I was commiserating with him – but when Ross spotted this he went ballistic.

"How dare you!" he shouted, to the stunned dismay of our fellow dinner guests.

Realising he might have overreacted, he then tried to sound jokey, but I knew at heart he was genuinely upset.

"That’s the first time you’ve held hands with any man but me since we got married!"

Our fellow guests laughed nervously but I knew it had cut deep.

Ross and I have been married for 30 years and a strict criterion of our marriage is that we never become romantically involved with anyone else.

Certainly a kiss would jeopardise our relationship – in fact, rock it to the core.

For our marriage to work – and we’ve had our ups and downs – we have to be able to rely 100 per cent on each other.

So the scenario in which the Defence Secretary finds himself in – having confessed to an "affair" in which he kissed a work colleague several times in the past – would spell the death knell to our marriage.

His wife Joanne has apparently forgiven him and the couple now have a happy marriage.

I’m pleased for them – but it would not work for us.

We’re both fiery people and arguments are frequent. Passions run high – and then we have learned to cool down and say sorry.

Being able to forgive each other’s mistakes is one of the keys to a long and successful marriage – but actually falling in love with, or kissing, another person would be the ultimate betrayal.

To experience everything we have in our marriage – the birth of two children, financial ups and downs, many houses moves and stressful careers, I have to know that Ross is "mine".

In many ways, it’s the solid glue that binds us together because our relationship has been tested in many ways.

Of course it’s perfectly natural to find other people attractive but it’s the choice to act on that attraction that is the key.

You cannot think, "Oh, this won’t matter, it’s only a kiss". A kiss can be a profoundly moving and emotional experience, especially in the mature years.

But mum-of-two Rebecca Jane, TV personality and founder of the Lady Detective Agency, feels it is possible to get past a kiss. She explains...

Everyone is so quick to judge other people's relationships.

You only have to look at the public outcry for Colleen Rooney to leave Wayne when he got caught driving in a car with another woman to know that.

No one had any proof or facts of wrong doing but people were horrified that she stood by her man.

A kiss? A kiss is absolutely no reason to end a marriage and certainly does not count as an affair.

You're invested, your whole life is with this person, children's lives, finances and extended family. Is it really worth so much upheaval over a kiss? No.

Any kind of infidelity does not often end in divorce. I should know because I was the same.

I was pregnant when I found out about my husband having various liaisons with various other women. We'd just got married and I simply couldn't face the fact my marriage was over before it began.

I come from a stable background. My grandparents have just celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary, and my parents their 50th.

I've watched them go through tough times and come out the other side. The motto that I took from their successful relationships was that you have to work at them.

That's what I tried to do and I did forgive him. I wouldn't like to enter specifics of what he got up to but it was more than just a kiss.

My problem was not the infidelity but the lies that came with it.

I can get over my partner kissing someone, or having sex with them. The part I struggle with is ever trusting them again.

When someone lies so much about their whereabouts, what you mean to them or their feelings - that's where the problems occur.

To get over infidelity you both have to truly want to work at the relationship.

The best thing an unfaithful person can do is come clean. Your partner can then make an informed decision on their future.

All I wanted from my unfaithful husband was the truth, and he didn't give me that.

I spent the next three years questioning where I went wrong, what was wrong with me, why I wasn't good enough, where he was... the list was endless.

People always say "everyone deserves a second chance" but why do they not always have the same view when it comes to infidelity?

I will however leave you with this analogy. If you smash a dinner plate, and put it back together with superglue, is it still the same plate?

Absolutely not, you need some seriously strong superglue to keep it together and a real love for the plate not to throw it in the bin - but it can be done!

It's your life, your relationship and if you want to keep the plate, keep the plate! What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!

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